you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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