I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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