I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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