I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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