dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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