Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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