$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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