Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
