2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
