i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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