So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
