he thought i was a dude.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
