2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This is classic penis vs brain.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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