Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
