That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
a search helicopter?!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When did angry sex become our thing?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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