If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
