accomplished twins. life is a go
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
