Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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