I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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