That's intense
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
