I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
