He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I wish there were birth control emojis
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
