Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
