can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
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Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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