I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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