I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
