I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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