Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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