i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
