Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30