One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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