I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
