She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
