Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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