In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
