redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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