I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Randomize
