We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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