We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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