just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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