Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize