Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
