Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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