nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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