If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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