if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
