These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
