Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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