you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
