Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
