I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Come on in and take your pants off
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