Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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