I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
