He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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