i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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