I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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