you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
