I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
