I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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