it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
