I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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