I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
