why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
