Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
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I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
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I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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